Sensitive topic {my legs}

I have diseased veins or better known as varicose veins. There's something about the valves in my veins that don't work like the average person's. You can google it if you want to know more (if you can stomach it--there's some pretty graphic pics--although not far from my everyday reality). But basically, leaky valves that don't work properly combined with a thing called gravity makes for some ugly lookin' veins. The blood starts to pool in the veins as it travels down the leg but then has trouble pumping it back up. As a result, veins start to turn funky colors, bulge in odd places, and even cause pain at times. At worst, they can leave you more susceptible to blood clots and ulcers and cause swelling and pain on a regular basis. At best, these unsightly little guys make you self-conscious about your legs.

You can counter the effects by eating right, exercising regularly, and watching your weight. Ummm check, check and check! So, that leaves one little thing you can't control. Genetics. And these diseased veins run on both sides of my family. Check-mate.

I won't post any of my pics on here (to spare you all!) but I can honestly say they are some of the worst on anyone my age. For real. And I'm sure you are thinking..."yeah right. I'm sure they're not that bad. You're only 28 for goodness sake..."  Let's just say there are bulging veins that snake up and down both legs, combined with red/purple spots that resemble bruises between my knees and ankles, combined with clusters of spider veins around my ankles and feet. You can start cringing now. My closest family and friends know how much these burden me. They have seen me go back and forth on these roller coaster feelings towards my legs.

I have had intense feelings of embarrassment and shame when someone innocently asks, "oh no what happened to your leg?" To which my silent response is, "That's it! No one will ever see my legs again! I'm wearing pants the rest of my life!" And on other days I've thrown my hands up in the air and said, "Screw it! People can stare all they want but I am going to the beach! It's too hot outside to be miserable!" I have silently cursed others with {quote} beautiful legs that are blemish free who complain about not being able to get the perfect tan. And I've lied to people's faces when they point to my ankle and ask, "what's that?" by saying, "it's just a bruise...".

I debated for a long time whether to post on this topic for the following reasons:

{1} I don't like drawing attention to myself.

{2} It's not a life or death situation. There are much harder things in life...way more burdens than I can ever imagine that people are dealing with. Why should I complain. They're just legs after all.

{3} I feel like I'm the only 28 year old I know dealing with this problem to this extent (I know I'm not but it sure feels that way).

{4} I don't want this to be the thing that people recognize me for (that girl with the ugly veins)

{5} People don't know how to talk about it...so they just stare. That being said, I don't want to write about this and then people still don't know how to talk about it...so they still just stare. **crickets** awkward.


As you can imagine, 2 pregnancies have not helped my vein problem. The weight gained during pregnancy coupled with the increased blood supply made for some very painful months. (Good thing babies are worth it!) I was advised by doctors that my problem will only get worse if we decide to have more kids. This is not a roadblock in my mind...just something I know I will have to deal with.


There is a happy ending to this story....I just didn't want to make this post any longer than it already is.

So come back tomorrow to read the rest!